The bittersweet nature of the job hunt
So, here's the great news -- I've made the top cuts for three jobs so far. Two 4-years and one CC. Found out about the CC yesterday. So I know that I've made one top 5-10, one top 9 (waiting for the campus interview cut), and one top 5, campus interview ticket booked today. Totally freaked about the last one, because it came out of the blue, no prelim interview, except group info stuff at the conference. Really like the person I've spoken with, and it turns out we are somewhat acquainted, having been to a couple of the same conferences (one a very small one) and have mutual acquaintances. I am so incredibly jazzed, nervous, hyped up, worried, excited ...
... and then I went to the back yard today. It's really sunny and pretty. The fish are swimming in the pond AHD dug out all by himself. The veggie beds need weeding and prepping. We have a mole who puts piles of dirt allover the yard. I'm half-hoping the cats will do something about it. The cats and dog love the yard. I haven't finished painting the picket fence. And ADH is in the middle of a bathroom remodel.
But I'm in the running for jobs! And they are all jobs that seem pretty damned good! And more ads are coming out. It finally looks like I can do what I've trained to do. I've spent a lot of time on this, and I'm ready to make a move.
Then, last night, I went to a party with my colleagues, who are so damned cool. I really love these people. And the girls across the street informed me that I have been formally adopted as their other aunt. I have ties here. If I get a job elsewhere, I will have to leave a lot of this. But people can always visit, can't they? I just won't be there to go to the plays and concerts and soccer games (they were serious about the adoption -- and it's not like they don't already have, like, three sets of aunts and uncles living nearby, plus 5 other sets!). And I'm over 90% sure I can keep up an adjunct load that is full-time (two schools) and will keep me in benefits. That makes me far better off than many of my peers.
And I still want the TT job. Not just because it will lead to tenure, but because I don't want to worry. I want to put down academic roots and, even if I'm teaching somewhere with an insane 5-5 load, keep up in my field. I want to be able to build long-term relationships with students, and not have to e-mail the ones who want to keep in touch every time I change campuses. And I hate that we live in a world where it's so hard to have one thing without sacrificing so much else.
But hell -- no one's offered me a job yet!
TWO campus interviews!!