More of the same?
One of my commenters below pointed out something important -- this is partially the result of the "prolonged apprenticeship that is academia". I didn't really mean to sound so whiney, because I do like the job a lot. But I think I, like many other people who move from visiting positions to T-T positions, had the idea that it would be easier. You'd think I of all people would know better -- I've been reading academic blogs forever, it seems. But even though I knew it would be different, and even that it would be hard, I don't think I appreciated what the differences would be. It isn't that the work is harder. It's that the stakes are higher. I think it's the knowing that I'm where I was trying to get to ... now, I have to rely entirely on myself. Well, I've had to do that forever. But I guess it seems more real now, if that makes sense. Still, I think I need to get to the gym. That will help. And get caught up on the grading.
3 comments:
You've pointed out what isn't always obvious - the difference between intellectual knowledge and emotional knowledge. Additionally, the great things about blogs is that you can reach out and know that you aren't alone. I wish blogging had been around when I was in grad school - it would have been a great way to not feel all alone . . .
It's also difficult (I imagine) to recognize that the goal you've been pursuing for so long hasn't actually made your life perfect. I have this idea that once I get a t-t job, all my problems will be solved. In a sense, that's sort of true: my current problem (i.e. not having a tenure-track job) will be resolved; but--as your posts are reminding me, in fact--a whole new set of problems will then immediately arise. There's a kind of perceptual shift there that it might be difficult to make: the adjustment to having a new batch of goals, aspirations, and obstacles. It seems natural for that to be jarring, at times.
Kelly -- I wish they had, too! I really do believe that my blog community has helped keep me sane and focused.
and jb -- at least the problems don't include the having to look for a job -- I'm very grateful for that!
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