End of an Era

End of an Era or, Maudlin Navel-gazing

After I post this, I'm off to the courthouse where, in about 3 hours (give-or-take) I will stand up in front of a judge and be pronounced legally single and given back my own name. So the last couple of days I've been doing that thing we do sometimes -- imparting far too much meaning to pop music. Yesterday, listening to Mick Jagger singing "Angie" almost brought on a serious blubfest. Yuck.

So today I'm kinda sad. Friends have reminded me that this really is for all the right reasons, but it was also eleven years of two people's lives. So yes, I am better off (although a bit leery of joining the ranks of single female academics of a certain age). My life as I wanted to lead it is back on track, more or less -- more being that I'm once again acting like the person I want to be and becoming productive again, less because I'd hoped to have that and a partner at the same time. And that would never have happened had I remained married.

Still, I thought I'd share one of the good things today, while remembering that I've got all kinds of new baggage to take away from this. Along with the baggage, though, I do have some gifts to thank ADH for. There are some good memories, his wonderful family, a now lifelong love for football and a love-hate relationship with Arsenal. He introduced me to the books of Terry Pratchett and Nick Hornby. And then there is the music. Although ADH never wanted to hear me sing along (for no good reason -- I have a decent singing voice), he did introduce me to a lot of music that I had never really appreciated before: Led Zeppelin, Neal Young, Richard and Linda Thompson, Paul Weller (in various incarnations), less-obvious Van Morrison, Nick Drake before VW used him for a commercial, the Buckleys (Tim and Jeff), and Leonard Cohen. I think we can both take credit for Everything But The Girl, Massive Attack, and Portishead. So for today's poem, I give you a Jeff Buckley version of a Leonard Cohen song, in memory of the good things.

Well I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this:
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya
And She tied you to her kitchen chair
And She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Well Baby I've been here before
I´ve seen this room, and I've walked this floor,
You know, I used to live alone before I knew you
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do ya
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Maybe there is a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah*

Tonight I'll go with friends to the mountains and watch the Perseid showers and gaze at the night skies. A shift in perspective sounds like a good idea.

*This is the version on Jeff Buckley's Grace. I'm not sure if it's the same version that k.d. lang and/or Rufus Wainwright do.