Friday, August 12, 2005

End of an Era

End of an Era or, Maudlin Navel-gazing


After I post this, I'm off to the courthouse where, in about 3 hours (give-or-take) I will stand up in front of a judge and be pronounced legally single and given back my own name. So the last couple of days I've been doing that thing we do sometimes -- imparting far too much meaning to pop music. Yesterday, listening to Mick Jagger singing "Angie" almost brought on a serious blubfest. Yuck.

So today I'm kinda sad. Friends have reminded me that this really is for all the right reasons, but it was also eleven years of two people's lives. So yes, I am better off (although a bit leery of joining the ranks of single female academics of a certain age). My life as I wanted to lead it is back on track, more or less -- more being that I'm once again acting like the person I want to be and becoming productive again, less because I'd hoped to have that and a partner at the same time. And that would never have happened had I remained married.

Still, I thought I'd share one of the good things today, while remembering that I've got all kinds of new baggage to take away from this. Along with the baggage, though, I do have some gifts to thank ADH for. There are some good memories, his wonderful family, a now lifelong love for football and a love-hate relationship with Arsenal. He introduced me to the books of Terry Pratchett and Nick Hornby. And then there is the music. Although ADH never wanted to hear me sing along (for no good reason -- I have a decent singing voice), he did introduce me to a lot of music that I had never really appreciated before: Led Zeppelin, Neal Young, Richard and Linda Thompson, Paul Weller (in various incarnations), less-obvious Van Morrison, Nick Drake before VW used him for a commercial, the Buckleys (Tim and Jeff), and Leonard Cohen. I think we can both take credit for Everything But The Girl, Massive Attack, and Portishead. So for today's poem, I give you a Jeff Buckley version of a Leonard Cohen song, in memory of the good things.

Well I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this:
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya
And She tied you to her kitchen chair
And She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Well Baby I've been here before
I´ve seen this room, and I've walked this floor,
You know, I used to live alone before I knew you
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do ya
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Maybe there is a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah
*

Tonight I'll go with friends to the mountains and watch the Perseid showers and gaze at the night skies. A shift in perspective sounds like a good idea.

*This is the version on Jeff Buckley's Grace. I'm not sure if it's the same version that k.d. lang and/or Rufus Wainwright do.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

All about meme

It's all about me(me)



or, how I avoided grading review papers this morning...

  1. What is your first name? One I've never really liked, but it has its roots in antiquity.
  2. Were you named after anyone? Not to my knowledge
  3. Do you wish on stars? I have done
  4. When did you last cry? Not recently enough, in terms of a blubfest. About beginning of May? And possibly this Friday.
  5. Do you like your handwriting? Only when I'm writing very carefully.
  6. What is your favorite lunch meat? I like veggie sandwiches best, but probably tuna, if that counts
  7. What is your most embarrassing CD? The Buffy Once More With Feeling soundtrack?
  8. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Maybe, but I might get tired of how hard I try to be liked
  9. Do you have a journal? Kind of. I have a friend I don't talk to enough, so I sometimes write things for when we can get together
  10. Do you use sarcasm a lot? What is this sarcasm of which you speak?
  11. What are your nicknames? ADM, two masculinised versions of my first name, and (really) Sarge.
  12. Would you bungee jump? Is that a trick question? There is no "no" strong enough to answer that question
  13. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Sometimes
  14. Do you think that you are strong? Not as much as other people think I am. I think I'm just resilient.
  15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Mocha almond fudge. No question.
  16. Shoe size? 39
  17. Red or pink? depends on what red and what pink. I'm an earth-tone type.
  18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? a toss-up between procrastination and need for external validation
  19. Who do you miss most? My maternal grandmother.
  20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? No, but I'm enjoying reading it at other people's blogs
  21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Grey nightshirt and red toenails
  22. What are you listening to right now? When I started on this, Jeff Buckley's cover of Hallelujah, right now, The Beautiful South's Blue is the Colour and the roofers thumping around
  23. Last thing you ate? A small square of Rittersport dark chocolate with hazelnuts
  24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Periwinkle Blue
  25. What is the weather like right now? Sun breaking through overcast, heading into high 70s
  26. Last person you talked to on the phone? Almost ex-ADH
  27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? It really depends on the person. Eyes and voice stand out, though
  28. Where did you find this meme? Some other medievalists' blogs
  29. Favorite drink? A good, peaty single malt
  30. Favorite sport? To do? running on trails To watch? Football (the real kind)
  31. Hair color? ever-darkening and greying blonde
  32. Eye color? Blue
  33. Do you wear contacts? generally, 'cos my glasses make my eyes look really small
  34. Favorite food? Fresh Bread
  35. Last movie you watched? War of the Worlds
  36. Favorite day of the year? The Vernal Equinox, because the days are finally going to get noticeably longer
  37. Scary movies or happy endings? Depends on my mood and my company
  38. Summer or Winter?
  39. Hugs OR Kisses? Depends on the kisser.
  40. What is your favorite dessert? creme brulee
  41. Who is most likely to do this meme? some other procrastinator
  42. Who is least likely to do this meme and comment? A good friend who has better things to do ... and does them!
  43. What books are you reading? Rosenwein and Little, Debating the MA; James, Science Fiction in the 20th c.; Semmler, Der Dynastiewechsel von 751; Middlemarch -- finished Miéville's Perdido Street Station yesterday.
  44. What's on your mouse pad? Don't have one at the moment
  45. What did you watch last night on TV? Don't have one
  46. Favorite smells? Baking, early morning garden, ocean
  47. Favorite sounds? A particular friend's voice, the ocean
  48. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles!
  49. What's the furthest you've been from home? Salzburg?
  50. Do you have a special talent? So I've been told
  51. What is your ring tone? Something from Peer Gynt -- it's the only one I can hear in the car.



and more procrastination from cheeky



You are Don Juan From "Don Juan De Marco."

Woobaby! You are Don Juan - dark and handsome, and the world's greatest lover. Some people find you to be a bit insane (or is that insanely sexy?). While you may not be playing with all 52 cards, don't let that get you down - you're a true romantic at heart.
Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

Monday, August 08, 2005

Am I crazy

Am I crazy, or is my Latin gone?


Hello Latinists! So I'm reading a book for this paper. The book uses pretty much all of the same sources as my thesis, except more of them. Kind of like two people were working on very similar topics at the exact same time, but one of us was very fast. And I come across a description of a document, and think, 'hold on, that's in the handy database I have of all of these documents, let me look it up.' And what the author of this book has is different than what's in the database. So I check the document itself. It says, "In dei nomine ego Theotacar trado in eliminosam meam ad Tienenheimero marcu duo iugera ad sanctum Bonifatium qui in monasterio Fulda sacro requiescit corpore [....] [Place enacted, date, important witnesses] "Theotmar indignus subdiaconus hanc traditionis kartulam iussus scripsit"

My exact translation notwithstanding, I understood this to say that the guy handing over the land to St. B (a normal thing to do -- give to the saint, rather than to the institution) was named Theotacar, and the guy who wrote it all down was named Theotmar. High-powered scholar says that Theotmar was the donor. And I just realized that I was reading Latin A LOT when I created my database. So my present rustiness shouldn't come into it. At the risk of revealing myself to be a complete feckin' eejit, can anyone out there see how I got this wrong? Please be gentle.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Requiescat in Pace

Robin Cook, RIP


Apropos of the rare political post, I am saddened to learn (and a bit embarrassed that I learned it from Sharon, but we don't have TV or an internet connection at home) that Robin Cook has died. I've followed the various movements of the Labour Party since before the meltdown of the Major government, which happened when I lived in Germany and watched the news on Sky. I sometimes thought cook was a prat, but more often, and especially in terms of the war, thought he was one of the good ones. He was still quite young. How very sad.

Friday, August 05, 2005

carnivalesque 7

First Ancient/Medieval Carnival is up!


The Cranky Professor is hosting the first Ancient/Medieval Carnivalesque! Good fun to be had by all!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Why I love the early stuff

Why I love the early stuff



I've been scouring the web to help the Cranky Professor find articles for the first Ancient/Medieval edition of Carnivalesque. You know, there aren't nearly enough early folk. There are a bunch of medievalists, and some ancient people, but not so much in The World of Late Antiquity. To be fair, I'm also not a Late Antique person. I regularly attend the best of the Late Antique conferences, Shifting Frontiers, but there, I'm mostly a dabbler. Because I'm a Carolingianist, and we're so ... late!

But the Carolingians are still Franks, and the Franks start pretty damend early. You can't do Carolingians without the Merovingians. Merovingianists get to be Late Antique people. But I now wonder -- are the Carolingians really in their own category? One of the big themes in LA is the synthesis (or not) of Roman and Barbarian/Germanic culture. But it seems to me that many of our sources (Ok, up to about the 7th c., at least) are as much indicators of conscious differentiation as they are of synthesis. OK -- there are some things that I'm glossing over -- Christianity, the use of Latin, the survival of Roman institutions, at least (or often only) in name ... but still, I think that there's a lot to be said for the Carolingians as the end of Late Antiquity, if synthesis is one of the markers of the period. The Carolingians are arguably more public in their Christianity -- and it's more the right kind, since the Merovingians got their missionaries from Ireland as well as England. There's the whole 'revival of empire' thing, the Ottonian renovatio notwithstanding; Gerd Althoff makes some interesting points about that in his biography of Otto III. There's the fact that the Carolingians are in some ways far more like their predecessors than their successors -- although that just makes them the perfect transitional phase, I suppose.

But this is why I like this early stuff (and at least we can all agree that the Carolingians are indeed Early Medieval, if not Late Antique): it's the fact that we really can make no assumptions about what words mean. The Latin's in real flux. It's because people are moving into places (or are already in places) that the Romans couldn't quite get to, and they often react the same way -- although the Romans might have been less unpleasant in their dealings with non-Roman neighbors than the various Germanic (pax Walter Goffart) people were in dealing with their non-Christian neighbors. That's a big might, BTW. We often don't know who people are, although we are getting to know more and more. But there's so much to argue about. Are these people who live in Thuringia actual, ethnic Thuringians? Better -- are those Bavarians really Bavarians (which brings up all kinds of fun ties to whether Bavarians are perhaps related to Celts), when the dukes of Bavaria in the 8th c. look a lot like Franks? How did these kings who were supposedly very Christian justify their multiple concubines? Why wouldn't Charlemagne really let his daughters marry? Oh -- and then there are the duelling missionaries. No, they don't really duel, but there are great cases backstabbing and badmouthing of other perfectly decent types to carve out larger areas for missionary activity. Don't believe me? Look at the career of St. Boniface. The man evangelised some areas based on the "well, they're Christian, but the guy who was here before did a crap job" theory. Got him support from the pope and the Carolingian military, though.

And have I mentioned the murders? The intrigue? The intermarriage? The totally cool names like Fredegund and Brunehilt? Sigibert? Chilperic? Theodelinde? Otacar? Otswind? Williswind/swintha? Not to mention the creative orthography? Children imprisoning their parents? Fratricide? Women that cut deals with their husbands to pop out a couple kids in exchange for running a convent, if they survive?

And, of course, the fact that most of the sources are edited? I know it's random, but I'm having A Day. But it's good someties to remember that what we do, we often do because it's cool and geeky and because we, or at least I, love the fact that there is so much to argue about -- every question a hydra, every answer a target for someone else.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Rare Political Statement

In which I make a rare political statement


I don't do a lot of political blogging. Part of it is because I would rather not be super-public about my beliefs till I have tenure -- not that they are particularly noteworthy. But it's like blogging about my sex life or even too many details about my personal life. I just prefer a bit of separation between the public, private, and really public.

Having said that, I do want to point you to today's Cliopatria, where Oscar Chamberlain tells us about the death by torture of an Iraqi general. The points that stand out for me are these:
Generals are clearly subject to the Geneva Convention. Generals don’t “fall through the cracks” and then get beat up by accident by out of control guards. While he might have had information that would have helped locate some resistance units, this was no “ticking bomb case. “ Instead this was standard operating procedure.

and

There was a system in place that did this. Our political and military leaders ordered the creation of this system. We the taxpayers paid for it. There is no reason to assume that this is not still going on and that we are not still paying for such actions.

To the extent that a US citizen knows this and does not try to stop it, he or she is an accomplice to it. There is blood on millions of hands. Our hands.

I've said relatively little about the war. I do believe we went in under false pretences. I'm not happy that we're spending appalling amounts of money on the war, but have been asked to make no sacrifices (the lives of soldiers don't work into this for me -- it's their jobs and their choice -- the morality is another issue).

When a country decides to go to war, it should hurt, because war is a serious business. Every citizen should be aware of the costs -- especially if he or she has no loved one at risk. And yes, part of why I believe this has to do with the fact that I think too many of us are cavalier about going to war. It makes me ill to hear that there is not enough money for adequate care for returning vets -- some of these people are in my classes. They suffer from PTSD. They've seen horrible things, they've had to do horrible things, and that's a far greater cost that most of us will never know.

The money/tax issue pisses me off, but the moral issue is the one that really upsets me. When the war started, there were protests about sending our people to die. I'm not a great Christian, but I like to think I'm a pretty moral person. Much of that morality is rooted in the Judeo-Christian tradition, although I accept anything that promotes a greater good. For me, the question is not one of sending people to die, although that is truly horrible. The greater issue is that of sending people to kill. Because killing is wrong. Yes, it's justifiable in some cases, but it still is wrong. And as citizens, we are asking our fellows, often people quite young, people we don't really consider old enough to be responsible parents, to take on that enormous burden.

In the case of torture -- and people are being tortured -- to death, sometimes -- how much more of a burden will those people feel? I do not understand how anyone can justify it. I don't wish to exaggerate or draw ridiculous comparisons that will confuse the situation. But from a purely human sense, torture is torture is torture. It damages the victim and the torturer. This must be especially true in a Christian context -- and like it or no, USAmerican society exists in a Judeo-Christian context, for the most part. It's not a new issue -- a couple of years ago, I heard a wonderful paper by Gillian Clark, an Augustine scholar, on Augustine's justification of torture. There's a reason we should care. We should care on moral grounds (and I can't think offhand of any religion that supports torture, pax to the atheists among us, whose beliefs I've included). We should also care on civic grounds. We should care on human grounds. Oscar is right. We are responsible -- we, as a society, sent them there.* We are, to a certain extent, our brothers' keepers.


*and for those people who wish to remind me that we did not strike the first blow, I'll just suggest reading the Sermon on the Mount again -- you know, the part where we're supposed to turn the other cheek?

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Emergency Book Recommendation??

Emergency Book Recommendation??



It appears I will be teaching a freshman-sophomore WW II class in the fall. Help! Does anyone have a good textbook recommendation? All I know at this point is that I want to make sure we really cover social history as well as military. At which, by the way, I am not so good. So a foundation in WW I and Versailles, the Depression, the rise of new Nationalist regimes; the Spanish Civil Warl; Europe, North Africa, and the Pacific; the Holocaust; the War Effort at Home -- US and the war economy, internment camps, segregation in the military, Britain and the relocation of children to the countryside, resistance movements, etc.; post-war purges and the Heimatvertriebene (is that the word? I forget), end with the Marshall plan. I guess.

Anybody with experience, I could use suggestions ... Thanks!

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Happy Third Bloggiversary!

Happy Third Bloggiversary!



Doods! Can you believe it? This blog was born three years ago today. It's also my roommate,
Professor Kinsey's birthday. She just started blogging, so there isn't much up there yet. I've never actually celebrated the date before, but Ralph Luker at Cliopatria pointed out a while back that I've been blogging for some time, so I looked it up. Damn.

But those of you who are familiar with the 'spiel will know that Sundays are days I tend to try to play catch-up. I have much grading to do and a quiz to post. I'm feeling very full after a wonderful birthday brunch in a revolving restaurant, and am suffering the aftereffects of yesterday's really exciting allergic reaction to one of the most useful prescription drugs on the market. Not wanting to post a quiz (lots of cutting and pasting, because stupid McGraw-Hill sucks -- no test cartridge for Web CT. Last time I use their friggin' book. Of course, Web CT is no joy for me to work with, either. If your school is trying to avoid paying the costs of Blackboard (which at least works and is really intuitive), I suggest trying Angel out. Or try Web CT. Some people like it, I hear.

Update: D'oh. Yesterday was the day. I was unable to blog, as I spent all day with my adoptive (in the affectionate sense) nieces, two of whom were in summer camp plays -- Three plays in one day. Noon till 8:30. I am a good auntie.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Wait! This Is Work!

Wait! This is work!


So this morning, I'm sitting in the chair, listening to my roommate, Professor Kinsey, grade her essays for her many online students. And I thought, "I should really get off my butt and get to work!" And then I thought, "I'm actually reading reviews in the latest Speculum, and they are pertinent. This is work, doofus!"

Blogging, however, is not. Still, it's nice to be getting to a point when I can remember that reading is not just a good use of my time, but in the job description. Hehehee! Job Description! 'Cos, you know, I HAVE ONE!!! For the year, at least! Must. Stop. Grinning.

Blogging about substantive issues to resume shortly.

Monday, July 25, 2005

No Bad Decision?

No Bad Decision?


After much soul-searching and discussion with friends and collegues, I think I have it pegged. A good thing, because I have to talk to people about this today. I leaned towards Rural State U all weekend. I looked at flights. I dismissed the insanity of the distance and trying to adjust in three weeks while still teaching an online class. And came back again and again to a couple of things. It isn't TT unless it's in the contract. It isn't. And I have a one-year position that I would also like here. It starts later. And I can use the library at Flagship U, where they have 98% of the stuff I need right now, on the shelves, where I can get it. Rural U is entirely ILL. If I have to be on the market this year, I need to beef up the CV -- I will do that better where I have friends who will kick my ass. And I'll be an inside candidate for the TT job here, too.

I'm bummed, and kind of hope that Rural State will tell me when we speak that they have managed to make this the TT job I originally applied for, because I really think I'd love the job. And it turns out that my grandmother lived in Rural town as a kid, so there are family roots there ;-) But I just can't see risking so much on even the best of departmental intentions. Sigh. And I know I will be happy with local job.

Update: Rural State couldn't, although they said the worst case would be a continuing one-year -- also nothing they could put in writing. And I'm really happy I will be able to keep working on my paper without huge disruptions. I hate to say this (or maybe I'm just surprised to say it) but the kicker ended up being the accessibility of meterials. Knowing I would have to drive several hours to browse the stacks and find ANYTHING I might want was too much. I am remaking myself into the lion cub I started out as. I doubt I'll ever be leading the pride, but I'm also not going to handicap myself more than I have already. Miaow.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Two Offers!!!

Two Offers!!



Yes, very rural State U has also offered. And they say there is a very strong possibility that they will be able to convert the job to TT in the spring rather than doing a new search. And they are willing to shorten the tenure track (if it converts) to reflect my experience. Similar teaching load. Reasonable publishing expectations. Really nice people. And I would have to move in the next 10 days. About. But a university job nonetheless. And if I have to look for a job next year, is it better from local CC with heavy load (and I'd be very happy with a CC job in so many ways) and more preps but also with my entire support network, or from similarly heavy load but minimal preps at rural state, where I think I would be happy if it does go TT, but will also be a state U on my Cv if it doesn't? I have the weekend to reorganize my life. If you know me IRL, please feel free to e-mail advice. If you are one of these institutions, I really like you both, and this is probably the second hardest decision I've ever had to make. I will be choosing the position where I think I can do my best -- to all of our advantage.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

AN OFFER!!

AN OFFER!!!!



Local job just offered the one-year. I really want it. They reminded me they will do a national search next year and I have to reapply. I want it! But I also am not insane, and will be interviewing for the university position tomorrow and find out what the TT search prospects are there. Plus salary, benefits info, etc. Because I have to go with the best long-term decision, don't I? Don't I?

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

First Ancient/Medieval Carnivalesque

First Ancient/Medieval Carnivalesque


The first Ancient/Medieval Carnivalesque will be held at The Cranky Professor on or about August 5. Submissions (your own or ones that you like) should be sent to Professor AT crankyprofessor DOT com.

Daunted?

Daunted? Yep. Beaten? No.


Phone interview for fill-in position went well, I think. Liked the people. Think I would like the school. Not daunted by the level of work, although I would miss the ability to really teach the sources at the freshman level -- that goes to the TAs. But I'd get to work closely with the TAs, and that would be a blast. But the sheer number of new preps is a bit frightening, time-wise. Moving, finishing abstract/starting paper (although having to talk about research is wonderful for refining what one wants to do in the future!), and getting two totally new preps, plus revising the survey prep to go along with books already ordered, and finishing teaching my online summer class all in the next month sounds a bit ... stressful. But if the alternative is adjuncting? I do not know.

Update: Phone interview today with the VP for Academic Affairs for local job!!!!!

Monday, July 18, 2005

Out of the Blue

Out of the Blue


Got a call this morning from a place where I'd applied for a TT job. Really small town U with grad students. Never heard back. Turns out they've changed the job to emergency one-year with the possibility of converting the person they hire to TT if s/he works out, or will do another search next year. Would I be interested? Back in for three jobs. Phew. Two of them guaranteed to totally screw up any plans I might have had for a vacation and visit with a good friend, but one with the possibility of eventual tenure. Off to prep for interviews! BLEAARRRRGH!!!

And no, I'm not really complaining. Just kind of ... amazed at my life since March. Not rollercoaster -- pinball machine. The kind where balls drop down and go out of play, then all of a sudden, you're playing three at once!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Grading Break

Grading Break


And a bit of a rant. The class: World Civ. 1 -- to 1500 (and of course I chose the book on the fly, Bentley v. A, which barely makes it to 1000 -- fortunately not many complaints, since it's an 8 week term). The assignment: a review of a scholarly article, must be relevant to the topics covered in the course. So why am I getting proposals for articles on the Khmer Rouge?

In other news, I've cribbed my updates from my past post to this one ...

Update: Interviewed today. As usual, had a migraine. Not as usual, forgot to mention it to the committee. For a one-year job, they were interviewing for the TT person they want next year. Needless to say, I prepared for the one-year interview. And I rambled a bit. But I think I hit all the important points. And I hope I didn't sound like someone who is 'settling' for a CC job, because I really liked these people and was amazed at the autonomy faculty seem to have. I'm going to make sure my referrees all mention that really, I'm a teacher first, researcher second. That will always be the case, and this place, despite the heavy 3-3-3 teaching load, seems really supportive of scholarly activity on the kind of schedule I think I could manage, i.e., summers. And they have travel and conference money. And the first thing I saw when I got to campus was a ginormous tabby Manx, complete with collar and tags. And (elsewhere) almost tame squirrels. And gorgeous landscaping.

And did I mention they were very nice and very cool and that I want them to hire me? and yes, I know I have been in two minds about the kind of job I want, but I think this place would be no harder than a serious teaching 4-year, except that I would write because I want to, and not because I have to. Not something to sneer at. And best, I could stay in beautiful part of country where I would rather live than anywhere else in the US except those parts more easily accessible to Europe. So if you know people at local job, let them know how great I am as a colleague and teacher!

I am interviewing for the other job, too. Now slightly freaked out. I am interviewing for a job with big lecture courses and TAs. I have never had a TA. I have never taught grad students. Oddly, I am starting to think I *could* but on a month's notice? I am soooo going to need to prep this interview -- and pray that I get an offer for the other job? Except that I would really like to see if I could cut it in the minors of the Big Leagues. OTOH, with my track record this year, I could be doomed to adjuncting. Bugger. Yes, I am freaking. Back to grading now.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Ethical Considerations

Ethical Considerations


So a temporary job comes up on the market. Really fast hire. And you know whose job it is, and it looks very much as though the person was shafted (not necessarily by the school). And you have a lot of respect for that person. But you're also collecting unemployment and they do audits to make sure you're really applying for jobs. And it is a job. In this market. Do you apply?

In other news, I'm interviewing for a one-year position that's almost local this week, and spent much of a mandatory unemployment orientation yesterday jotting down ideas for two different papers. I think the K'zoo one may be changing focus a bit? But will fit into the sponsorship better, maybe. Using land transactions to show the geographical movement of leading families and their political influence as the really important family in my time period extend their influence in the only direction they can? I have to finish up Matthew Innes and Simon MacLean first, though, to make sure it's feasible and also not repetitive. And this is is from my thesis, right, so no poaching -- but comments and advice welcome. Damn, I wish I were going to St. Andrews for that conference. Bugger being less than fully employed.

And yes, I know I'm giving way too many hints via my project, but at least it's academic so Ivan Tribble can just ...

Friday, July 08, 2005

No, this doesn't make me paranoid

No, this doesn't make me paranoid


Lovely. So far, this blog has been a great thing for me in terms of getting back on track and helping to revive professional networks. Because of it, I've managed to get plugged in for a couple of conference presentations and a position where my name will be out there more frequently. Yes, I disclose things about my personal life, but not too many details, I don't think. OK, maybe sometimes. But not ones I'd be really embarassed by. I don't rant about colleagues or institutions. And yet, this article in the CHE makes me very nervous. Thoughts?

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Bastards

Bastards



That's all I have to say. Too many people I love are in London.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Tagged by Tiruncula

Tagged by Tiruncula


(and no, I haven't written today. But I graded and will be reading when I get home. Memes are a moral imperative in the Real Genius sense)


What were three of the stupidest things you've done in your life?

Like Tiruncula, I’ll take this as three categories of stupidity, because, well, if you know me, you know how true they are:

  1. Partners. Not recognizing the ones that I should have appreciated more and who never got the chance, and regularly ending up with the ones who were jealous of/threatened by me. I think that may be changing, but it took ten years ...

  2. Thinking of scholarly activity as a kind of luxury that gets put after "People's Needs," i.e., never learning how to see my work as a whole and treat it that way

  3. Never learning tact or discretion to the extent that I'd like


OK -- I know those aren't great, but I can't think of any really stupid things I've done that don't relate to them, except for the one Truly Stupid Thing I am most ashamed of -- I once went to a wake -- a close family friend who was for a while my flatmate) and got pissed out of my brain and drove the 10 or so blocks home.

At the current moment, who has the most influence in your life?

I would say that it's me in my personal decisions -- getting divorced was all me. Professionally (and that's a different kind of personal, really), it's several colleagues, including some of you who have given so much encouragement that I feel I have to live up to it, and of course, DV. And SC who's been there for every horrible part of the divorce and job search, despite not having known me for long.

If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick up to five people to dine with, who would you pick?

OK -- I'm picking people who haven't been picked yet, but NK and Tiruncula had ideas I'd definitely steal.

  • Gaius Iulius Caesar Octavianus, because, well, he's so damned cool
  • Theodora
  • John Lennon
  • Jane Austen
  • Horatio Nelson (or maybe Wellesley)


If it were people still alive, Michael Parkinson, Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, Sheri Tepper, and Billy Connolly (and Eddie Izzard, maybe)

If you had three wishes not supernatural, what would they be?


  1. A tenure-track job at a liberal arts college with a 3-3 or 3-4 load and reasonable expectations of scholarly activity -- or a lecturer position in the British Isles, because I am only 32% American, apparently.

  2. A tax system in the US that is not regressive and that taxes people enough to pay for health care, public transport, etc. I have seen this work ...

  3. the chance for a visit with a close but distant friend before next year's K'zoo -- two visits would be better.


Someone is visiting your hometown/place where you live at the moment. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.

I wish we had:

  • better public transport outside the city center (where you can't complain, 'cos it's free)

  • an Irish/English/Scottish-type pub that had decent beer


People should avoid:

  • a couple of neighborhoods, but they're off the beaten track

  • the mole at any local Mexican restaurant, which is more likely to taste like satay sauce than anything having to do with chocolate, chilis, or spices


Name one event that has changed your life

When AXADH told me that, if I got a job, I could not count on him coming with me, so I had better consider carefully before applying. I did.


Tag five people.

(apologies for those who hate to be tagged)

Prof. Bitch, meg, Scribblingwoman, 1B*, and (so she has something to do when she gets back ...) Evieballerina. There are a couple of others I'd LOVE to see, but I think they would not appreciate my tagging them ...

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Freakish Coincidence

Freakish Coincidence



Saw this on the blog of a British, er ... acquaintance(?) where I sometimes lurk to get the occasional update on a less communicative friend. And got the same score. Weird. What does that say, I wonder?

You Are 32% American
America: You don't love it or want to leave it.
But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over.
On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead...
And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch!

Friday, July 01, 2005

Poor Wayfaring Stranger

Poor Wayfaring Stranger


That's the song going through my head today. No news on the two jobs that started reviewing applications on Monday. Everybody is pretty sure that I will at least get an interview for the local one-year, though. I hope so.

I moved out of my office today. Heavy sigh. Its owner, newly returned from two years as Dean, is ecstatic, though. And I'm really happy for him. But I miss my office. I have a new place, at the campus where I'm teaching online. But it's another 5 miles down the road. Still, I suppose I should make myself seen there. Otherwise, I have a very good excuse to go check out the wireless setup at Flagship U, where I should start going to work on papers. Although that's even farther. But it's all pretty and pseudo-gothic and makes one feel all studious. I could also just use the library at now-ex school where all my friends work, so as to be available for fun things. Hmmmm.

At any rate, I have a car full of stuff I need to take home and sort to put in storage. More bits and pieces to pick up from AXADH tomorrow. Room reorganization to follow. For now, I'm going to go home and stretch my poor, sore back and maybe do some reading. Today I:
  • finished moving out of the office
  • graded all the assignments turned in by the online class -- not all were turned in.
  • posted lots to the discussion forum -- lots to read, although I had to do some redirecting on the ideas of History as progress and presentism -- and on using the Wikipedia!
  • wrote (well, copied and pasted in tedious detail) a quiz
  • sent a bunch of comments and questions to a colleague on a paper he gave me a while back. With apologies and lame explanations of what I did with the last 2 months that I couldn't get back sooner
  • checked my e-mail and a couple of blogs way too obsessively


Oh! I also have a small social life! Tuesday I went with friends to play pub trivia -- we won, which paid for Tuesday night's beer and last night's Happy Hour with colleagues (a Thursday night summer ritual I've never had the chance to enjoy). And then I went home and (re-)read a couple of articles from Debating the Middle Ages, which I would love to be able to teach some day. Just reminding myself of the bigger picture.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Moving Office

Moving Office


Now that I'm moving office, I really want to work! Really! The review went over well. Well enough that I've been offered a choice of a couple of other books. Both by big names. One a translation (which would give me a chance to review some Latin-y stuff) and one that I actually know stuff about, since it's exactly the beginning of my period (kinda) and in German -- which would also be good for me. Plus I wouldn't feel so out of my depth. I have chosen not to commit till things are a bit more stable and I am making headway on the K'zoo paper.

But I now ask you ... what does your backlog of copies of the AHR and Speculum look like? How long does one keep moving them from place to place? And can I tell you how glad I am that Early Medieval Europe is both my favourite journal and small enough to carry around in my bag?

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Exiting from Stasis

Exiting from Stasis


I have, I believe, finished the bloody review. I don't know how it is, and I'm going to print it out and look at it again tomorrow morning before I send it, but it's done. I realize that for most of y'all this is no biggie. And if you're new, catch up! I've been in a state akin to that deep-space stasis we've all read about/seen in sf movies. Or maybe a marriage-induced coma. So you know what? I think it's really over. It may not be the best writing I've ever done. But it's done, and I think I can move on now. Give me a couple weeks, and friend Phlebas may start nagging about a little something called a paper abstract ... !

Yes, Phlebas revealed himself to me via e-mail. I was not so surprised. Phlebas and Mrs. Phlebas I have known since I was a mere undergrad and they were two of the grad student friends and mentors who kept me sane and on the path of righteous medieval grad student endeavor, as well as letting me in on the grad student Friday fun. I realized I've known them for almost 20 years now, and am reminded of just how fortunate I am overall. How friggin' cool is that?

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Quick update

Quick Update


Thanks, everyone, for, well, everything!

Just so you all know:
  • Dog is OK, at least for now. Still at the nice janitor's, and he's making noises like he wants to keep her permanently. I will be sad to see her go, but kind of relieved, too, because it will/would be hard to find a place I can afford where I can keep an 80 lb. dog.
  • Class website is kind of up -- there are some wonky links, but it seems OK. Now I just need to do some prep of my own, but that's doable.
  • Book review may get turned in unproofed, as I do not plan on infringing too much on the good will of my internet colleagues. But it will be turned in Monday. Full Stop.
  • Move did go reasonably well -- still picking up mail and bits and pieces in dribs and drabs. Cats are settling in.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Bloggus Interruptus

Bloggus Interruptus


ADM status update ...
Blogging has been temporarily interrupted because:
  • Tuesday we had some of the worst thunderstorms ever. AXADH left the dog, who is noisophobic (yeah, there's probably a real name for it) outside, because she has been a bit destructive lately. He called me to tell me that there was thunder forecast, and asked me to do something, because of course, it was easier for me to leave the office 40 miles away and take care of the dog than for him to drive 20 minutes and tranquilize her in advance. I said he'd have to take care of it and left it. I should have known better. He 'couldn't' get away, and the poor dog was out in it. She ripped the door frames off all three outer doors, trying to get in, and also took out the screen door and the cat flap. AXADH refuses to keep her any longer. I am madly trying to find the dog a home, and am torn with guilt because I never wanted a dog, but she has been with us/me for 18 months, and she's an adult, and really a very neat dog. But I also have to consider the fact that I may not be able to afford a place where I can keep her, nor can I make research plans as easily if I do. But the rescue won't take her and I don't want her put down. Now waiting for a call from the Humane Society, who won't euthanize without letting me know. I have a temporary solution -- one of the janitors will care for her till the end of July, if I need him to, but I don't know if shunting the dog from pillar to post is a good option, because I just don't know a lot about dogs.
  • Oh -- I have an online class that starts Monday. And the website isn't built yet. And it's Web CT -- all new technology for me. [holding head and screaming]
  • And I have to finish the bloody review, which got pushed to the side a bit for the latest crises
  • And my favourite e-mail correspondent owes me a letter or two, dammit.


Other than that, the move went pretty well. Still have a bunch of stuff at the old place, but mostly bits and pieces. Best part -- when I asked AXADH to leave a box marked "research notes" near the front of the lockup, and he said, "oh, like you'll use those!" Really best part -- when helping me move made him almost late for a date. Yes, ADM is now in the resentful phase. Cats are settling in nicely. New roommate is off elsewhere, and I think we'll get on reasonably well till I know about the final job situation. The last two FT jobs (one TT, one a one-year replacement) review applications beginning Monday. I hope the TT one moves quickly, because it's a semester institution, and the job would start in August. Maybe they would be willing to start in Spring? Like I've even got an interview yet. But despite its location (very rural BFN), it sounds like a place I'd like a lot and do well at, as long as there is adequate support to get to conferences, etc.

So if you don't see me much ... you know why!

And Phlebas ... figuring out who you are is taking up brain power better spent elsewhere! Only you can solve this particular problem!

Monday, June 20, 2005

Need a Reference

Need a Reference


Is anyone out there familiar with literature on the importance of ritual and performance of political ceremony? I'm looking for a couple of basic things that I know are out there, but I have brain fry at the moment. Here's what I'm doing -- writing a review. Book's author asserts that modern historians underestimate the importance of ceremony (for examply, a noble prostrating himself before the emperor as part of officially making peace in order to both show his submission and to place the emperor in the position of almost having to grant clementia). Without totally blowing my pseudonymity, the book is on one of the early-ish non-Carolingian and non-Byzantine emperors. I can see that the author might be totally correct in terms of the historiography of the area in question, but I could swear there's stuff out there for Carolingian Francia (especially in the West) and for the Capetians, at least. Heaven knows I've been teaching that this is the case in the Early MA for ages ... (I'm thinking of the chrenecruda, Rollo the Gangler doing homage to Charles the simple (actually, any homage ceremony) ... oh hell -- is this in something easy, like Ganshof ...? ) Which book (now that I've upended my coffee all over my lap, chair, and floor and just missed my computer looking for it) is clearly at home. Damn.

to clarify: I did not mean to imply that the chrenecruda was Carolingian. Just Frankish. And I have no idea if it appears elsewhere. And honestly, I'm pretty sure I don't get the nuances of that particular ritual myself.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Moving Day minus one

Moving Day minus one


Tomorrow I lose my home internet connection, because I'm moving. Blogging won't be suspended for long, as I'll be in the office working a lot, I hope. But if y'all don't hear from me after tomorrow morning, at least for a couple of days, you know why. Probably a good thing. As sure as I am about all of this, it's still not so easy.

Desperately seeking help!

Desperately seeking help!



Does anybody need a quick procrastination project? I've got to get this application out the door and could use a quick read-over of my writing sample. It's about 15 pp. If you have a spare bit of time, I can e-mail it to you. I'd like to get it out the door by the evening mail (PST), and realize this is going above and beyond the call. I just keep thinking it's too repetitive, but I cannot for the life of me think of how to fix it at this point. Hell -- it's the conclusion to a diss --not written for publication. Alternatively, if I explain that, will the search committee understand?

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Like falling off a bicycle!

Like falling off a bicycle!


Haha! I get to blog, because I wrote for about an hour today! OK -- it's baby steps, and resulted only in about 250 useful words plus notes and and outline. And it's only a review. But, yeah. Amazingly, it was a work-avoidance thing. I really didn't feel like working oon the two job apps I really must send tomorrow. And I left my copy of my reading group book at home and so couldn't comment much today. So I found myself opening up word and writing, which was a bit odd, since I usually write in longhand to get started. I did a little of that last week, though, so maybe it stuck.

One of the things the reading group book talks about, though is the kind of paralysis that can set in, especially when one feels a failure. I realised today that this has happened before. When I was working on the diss, I spent almost three years barely touching it, too caught up in trying to be the perfect stepmother, the perfect wife who didn't complain about taking on a 40+ hour-a-week job to show she was an equal contributor, etc. When the deadline came up, and I had to crank the damend thing out or flush it, I just sat and cried, because I knew I couldn't do it. A good talk with my advisor and my doctor, who slapped me on Prozac so fast I couldn't see straight -- his wife was writing her diss at the same time, so I think he actually knew what I was talking about -- and I just sat down and got going. And I remembered how to do it. It was like that today. You just sit down and words come out. If they're crap, you do it again. But at the end, it's still words, innit?

I realize that this is probably silly for most of you, but it makes me feel a hell of a lot better. So there :-P And the review should be drafted and ready for a friendly collegial ass-kicking on Friday.

In other news, I am supposed to be moving on Saturday -- which means I should book a moving van and find a storage unit tomorrow. I doubt it will all get done, but I'll be sleeping in a new place with a very nice colleague who's offered her spare room for as long as I need it, but we think it'll only be about 6 weeks to maybe summer's end. Happy about that, although it's going to be weird not being in a place that isn't "mine." Still, no worries.

And now, because I really should finish up the job stuff, which, if I mail it tomorrow will still be way ahead of my normal last-minute schedule, I leave you with a cat picture:
Posted by Hello

That is a not-as-good picture of my boy kitty, who will be coming with me.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Packing Break -- this is my girlie cat, who will be coming with me. Posted by Hello

Friday, June 10, 2005

the good news ...

the good news ...


Is at least knowing I didn't make the cut so I can maybe get an apartment sooner and visit friends at the end of the summer. Makes the cool conference less likely, though. Rural State U will not be inviting me for a campus interview, although I'm not out of the running, but "should definitely pursue other positions." Place with the flight from hell is in the process of contacting what the HR person called "the Winner" and will be letting the non-winners (oh, just say it -- the LOSERS) by mail next week. I kind of liked the winner, thing, because sometimes it really does sound like a crap shoot. Weird, though -- people tell me I interview well, but I guess I don't fit in? And yet, thost's one of the qualities most praised in my peer evals. At the moment, I'm going through that, "I could actually do something else with my life" moments. Except that I don't think I can. Outside of bad student evals, is there anything that can make me feel even more like a failure at this point? Bugger. Bugger, bugger, bugger.

feeling productive -- ish

feeling productive -- ish


What I did today that allows me to blog:
  • wrote and gave a final exam
  • read more of book to be reviewed during final exam
  • dozed a little during final exam (not my fault -- it's all down to AXADH and his dating habits)
  • got another draft of the paper from ex-student and ripped it to shreds. She did not take some important comments to heart during our three-hour meeting the other day. Sent it back with words of encouragement.
  • wrote approx. 4000 words of a report on a grant-funded workshop I helped facilitate
  • made plans to have drinks with a famous blogfriend tomorrow
  • probably commented too much on other blogs.


But all in all, I think I get to blog. I'm going to be moving in with a colleague soon, while I wait to find out what's going on with my career, etc. On TUesday, I e-mailed both places where I'm waiting to hear back after interviewing. I'm calling their HR departments tomorrow. Then two more jobs to apply for. I had to put off two students I really like, although they're more groupies these days (something I don't get. AXADH calls them acolytes, but I reserve that term for the majors). They brought me flowers earlier this quarter, and wanted to visit today, but I had too much to do. I shall take my newer, thinner body to the gym tomorrow. Otherwise, no blogging and only three comments (what, you think I'm crazy?) till I get something else substantial done. I must -- mark finals, finish the report, and read more of the bloody book. I want to be able to focus on writing and packing this weekend.

Again, begging for the crossed fingers for good news soon. If, by some miracle, I get a job in the next couple of weeks, I can try to do this conference, which I really would kill for in virtual sense. Or, as my Dean said, "look! it's a conference where you can meet the five other people in the world who work on your subject!" And be frightfully intimidated, too. I have met one of the presenters, though. And hell, I suppose it would be nice to talk to people (or at least listen to people) who really are working on stuff I work (if you can call it that -- will once again work, more like) on. Otherwise, I'm just going to hope for one of the later jobs. I remind myself that I have work lined up, and one of my future bosses has been fantastic in trying to help, but I get the feeling that the institution is hugely politicized and the faculty polarized. Thank goodness there are two late ads, too.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Have I Made a Mistake?

Have I Made a Mistake?


Ok, I haven't written today and I am blogging. Not what I'd planned, but it's been a crap couple of days. And I did not know that my evening would be taken up with a pity (or self-pity?) visit from a 24-year old boy. The ex-putative son-in-law, if you must know. He will be moving in with AXADH when I move out. He came over to bring me moving boxes from work and then to keep me company because AXADH is out on another date. Yes, it's frigging weird. What I wanted to do was use the quiet time to work. Ha!

But that's not what concerns me. Got an e-mail today from one of the brightest students I've had. She took seven different courses from me in as many quarters. I did get her to take one History class from someone else, because I kept telling her she needed to get used to other people's styles and broaden her knowledge of different approaches. Her one shortcoming is that she can be a bit stubborn and a little closed-minded about following the instructions of a professor who seems uninteresting or less-than-competent. Last year I had to convince her that a critique she'd received on Humanities paper was valid, despite the fact that the English teacher was trying to teach history that was absolutely appaling both in content and in approach. So, don't criticize the colleague and focus on what really was a masterful editing job. That I could do.

By the way, I'm not the only person who thinks this student is hugely talented, bright, and promising, either. But she's gone off to Flagship U and got a 'D' on a term paper (the first one in her life). And she is now thinking she needs to change her major. Even worse, this may be for a medieval History class with someone I have met, but don't know, who is expert in something I really know little about.
So my selfish concern is that I'm a crap teacher/advisor -- and that my colleagues will find me out. My main concern is that my student learns to trust in the expertise of her professors, even if she doesn't like their approach or think the assignments make sense. She needs to be able to go to a professor and tell them she doesn't get what they're looking for (although I'm not sure if it's the prof or a grad student who's done the marking) and ask for help. And she needs to learn that sometimes, it is a game, and you just have to play it. And I'm not sure why I never told her these things, except that she's so damned bright. And she'll be a really good historian (although I think she really wishes she could be a modern-day Procopius, but with footnotes!), if she sticks it out. But now I've offered to meet with her, and may have to tell her that she might just have to suck it up. I'll also do what I can to explain what she's supposed to do, but it's going to be awkward, because one of the things she's supposed to do, I think, is let me let her go and find a mentor at Flagship U. And I really care about this student, and want them to know how special she is. And I suppose that's one of the reasons I want to teach at a 4-year school. Because I can only be there for so long, and then they have to find new mentors who can help them move forward.

Student crisis update: OK. That was hard. It was the medieval class. And on a topic about which I know nothing. Time period not unfamiliar, if a bit earlier than my stuff, but geographically far different and almost all of the sources literary. None of these things makes it easy for me to help -- I kept saying, "you could have written on laws!" "you could have written on kinship and fostering?" But basically, I could see the problems in the paper, and some of the criticisms were very fair (although others I did have a hard time seeing within the page constraints of the assignment). And I was right, part of the problem is that the student was just not all that interested in the class. So we ripped apart the first draft, and the beginnings of the second draft that she brought with. I loaded it up with caveats on content knowledge and not knowing the TA, but student pointed out she couldn't really do much worse ;-) And I harped a lot on where she really needed to (and ways to) address the criticisms on the first draft. And she promised to go talk to the TA in person. And I promised to look at the next draft in time for her to turn in the final on Friday. I think it was a formative 'D' though -- the person who graded the paper said, "I know you can do much better." And apparently calls on student all the time. If the desired effect was for the student to kick it up a bit, it worked. On the other hand, that's a tactic that really can backfire, and I wonder what the TA would have said had the TA known that the D drove student to tears and almost into another major.

Update -- weird mentoring note So you know I'm packing, right? And that includes judicious jettisonning of junk. But I just found a card from my best friend's mom. "Saw Really Famous Anglo-Normanist at a funeral (they'd known each other from church for years). He asked about you. Said he'd sent his best student to Graduate U. Said to tell you that and to finish the diss." OK -- RFAN was no doubt being hyperbolic. But damn. It's made me think of the unbelievably wonderful mentors I've had in my academic career, from the really famous, to the grad students who nurtured me when I was an undergrad (and are still helping!), to the senior colleagues who have spent time with me at conferences and told me that I was one of the lions -- or should be. I feel humbled and obligated. I now must get a job and write. Not necessarily in that order. Thank you all. For everything.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Two Quick Questions

Two Quick Questions


  1. It is now well past the time that the last two places I interviewed said they'd be in touch. At what point can I call/e-mail them for an update? Or do I just keep hoping no news is good news (although who knows, maybe there will be rejections in the mail today ...)
  2. I realized when I wrote the piece below that I am actually capable of writing stuff that relates to what I do. Duh. But none of you colleague types seem to be laughing at it. So does that mean I can actually write readable (if colloquial) English? If so, can I rediscover how to transfer these skills to actual academic writing? Because I think I just remembered that I like the process a lot. I didn't revise and clarify as much as I would have liked, but this blogging thing seems to be useful. Do you think so? not a quick question, but comments are invited...

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

New and Improved -- It's History!

New and Improved -- It's History!



As someone currently on the job market, I've noticed more and more that History departments are looking for people who can teach World History. World History has replaced the Western Civilization survey on many campuses, and is generally preferred. The problem for most of us is that World History is a fairly new field, and there are only about five (I'm pretty sure) departments in the country that offer graduate study in the discipline. So really, the vast majority of job candidates who claim to be "World Historians" are probably lying. I've never claimed to be a World Historian. I say that, given the fact that few people are so trained, my background (I do have a non-western field on top of the pre-modern stuff) and teaching experience make it possible for me to teach it as well as anyone else, and better than most. I try to give specific examples of the important approaches World History does have to offer, and why I prefer certain textbooks and source material. More than that, I cannot do. I will not lie to get a job, no matter how much I want it. But I worry that there are people who will, and will get the job, and who probably understand the discipline less than I do. It's not that I don't understand it -- I just don't know that I think it's the best way to teach what may be the one History course students take.

For many people, especially non-historians, there might not be much of a difference between World History and the History of the World. For others, there is a huge one. As I understand it, the creation of World History as a field came in response to a realization that we live in a global society and, as members of a dominant culture, know and teach far too little about other cultures. I completely agree with that. But I also think that, to a great extent, my own period of study is every bit as remote to the average student as is the history of dar el-Islam. In my own experience, the past really is a different country, and it is the discipline and methodology of history that are central to my teaching. Students who learn the kinds of questions historians ask of their sources and who learn to use those questions to construct a narrative will be able to use those same skills to study the history of any area or people. It is those same questions that Eric Martin seems to discard, telling faculty that they must allow students of World History another framework for their studies than the one that's been pretty much accepted since, oh... Thucydides. To be fair, he does not want to discard all of historical method as most of us know it, but again, he seems to argue that World History really is the way of the future, and in fact a better approach. In the newest World History Connected, Martin discusses this very different approach:
World historians practice a way of thinking defined by these two sets of characteristics: the inclination to ask big questions about how the world works as a whole and the interest in developing innovative techniques to answer such large-scale, complicated questions. Thus far, world history as a way of thinking has been primarily described as an intellectual characteristic shared by professional scholars engaged in the field. However, there is a much wider demand for the kinds of thinking skills that world historians practice. For example, world historians have developed ways of thinking about the kinds of big-picture questions currently being asked by the U.S. public, including why the attacks of September 11, 2001 occurred, and how effective the war on terrorism has been in decreasing the chances of a repeat disaster. There is public concern as well about whether the U.S. is a liberating force or an occupying power in Iraq, and whether or not Iraq is 'another Vietnam.' Americans are wondering about the causes of -- and the solutions to -- the economic problems facing our communities in globalng economy, and why people in some countries are rich and poor in others. They are asking about the relationships between producers and consumers, and about the nature of globalization and how it affects communities. World historians practice a way of thinking that provides the conceptual tools to address questions of such magnitude and complexity: few other fields can say the same.

Really? I certainly agree that we live in an increasingly global society and that it behooves us all to know more about the people we interact with. If nothing else, it helps one (or countries) avoid horrible cultural gaffes. But I have to ask the question: what is more important? History of the World, or World History? I do wonder about the tacit assumption by most of the World Historians I've met that global history is intrinsically better than any other history, especially the Eurocentric type. I admit that this may in part be because I am a medievalist and am therefore probably guilty of Eurocentrism. But I am coming more and more to question whether World History is not itself marred by its own blind spots. These blind spots are not rooted in Eurocentrism, per se, but instead in Americanism and Modernism (in the sense of a Modern historian's approach to the subject). I say Americanism because really, World History is 'owned' by Americans and framed by the questions of what matters to America and Americans as a culture even more dominant in today's world than "The West," and because, although there are many non-American scholars now working in the field, from what I can tell from listservs like H-World, they are generally ignored. In terms of the Modernist approach, I think that there is an implicit desire to see things in terms of progress and event-based relevance that is arguably alien to a Classicist or Medievalist (and to many Early Modernists).

My historical playground is one that assumes that our ancestors lived in a very different world. My colleagues and I study our subjects pretty much in- and of themselves, for what they were and in the context of their times. Despite that, or perhaps because of it, we are generally able to be objective and yet find great relevance, not by comparing events like VietNam and Iraq, which is frankly very superficial on most points and masks many important details, but by trying to look at a different big picture, e.g., the history of a country and people who once were world leaders in thought and art and how their position in the larger world changed over time. And of course, understanding Iraq's history would still do little to explain 9/11, because the people who flew the planes into the WTC weren't Iraqis. You see, we're trained to look at lots of details that make it much harder to tie events like those of September 11, 2001 and the invasion of Iraq together into any big picture. That same attention to the small questions makes us much more aware of the myriad of events that might help to explain the long-term cultural interaction between Islam (in many forms and in many regional and historical varieties) and "The West." And, of course, to ask if that is the central question, or whether it's just the American version of Western culture that's the problem. But I digress.

To return to the idea of context, we should also consider whether there is a causal relationship between the rise of World History as a field a time when historians (and really, anyone in the Humanities), especially in the US, were finding it harder and harder to justify the relevance of their disciplines in a world of increasingly commercialized education. Rather than rising to the challenge and doing what our colleagues in the sciences do when it becomes clear that students need to learn more, i.e., to push for more requirements in the field, historians (again, mostly in the US, as History is generally considered necessary to a solid education in other countries, Charles Clarke notwithstanding) instead tried to do more with less, to revise the curriculum to reflect and include what had been missing, instead of increasing the amount of historical knowledge required for a degree. And thus, rather than saying simply, "We Americans do not know enough about the people we deal with every day. We should fix that," we said, "we know we aren't very marketable, so we will stop teaching those things that help explain why western culture became dominant, the same things that people in other, non-western countries know better than we do, and instead just try to fit everything else in." As an immediate afterthought, some of us then seemed to have bought into the idea that history as it existed had a problem because it wasn't relevant enough. The result has been mixed. Most World History texts are justifiably accused of being Eurocentric with some non-European stuff thrown in. And there has been a real attempt to create a viable field of World History. It is indeed global, but is it history?

It is not in the sense that Donald Kagan, in his recent Jefferson Lecture,understands. Rather, Kagan's discussion of method helps to show that History is largely relevant if 'only' in a human sense:
But unlike philosophers and their post-enlightenment offspring, the social scientists, who usually prefer to explain a vast range of particular phenomena by the simplest possible generalization, historians must be prepared to explain the variety of behavior in various ways. The well-known lines of the ancient Greek poet Archilochus present the two fundamental choices: "The fox knows many tricks, the hedgehog only one:/ one big one." This may work in the animal kingdom, but in the world of human affairs, wildly complicated by the presence of individual wills and of different ideas of what produces or deprives people of happiness and honor, in what does interest consist and of what there is to fear, extremely general explanations are neither useful nor possible. Historians, in the first instance, need to be foxes, using as many tricks as they can to explain as many particular things as accurately and convincingly as they can. Then, they should try to find revealing examples from the wide variety of human experiences to support generalizations of varying breadth. They should not expect to find the one big trick that will explain everything, but the lesser generalizations that can be tested by other understandings of the evidence and by new human experiences as they arise, which can still be interesting and useful. It is this mixed path taken by the historian, chiefly of the fox but with a necessary element of the hedgehog that promises the best results.

But where Kagan's fox must constantly deal with the fine details and change tacks to deal with different types of information, World History seems to be more of a Hedgehog with some vulpine traits. And relevance to the hedgehog is often merely relevance only in the sense of 'relevance to our students right now' -- despite the fact that World History purports to address a global society and our students, or at least mine, are a pretty heterogenous group for whom different events already engender different interpretations. My students from Ethiopia certainly have a different read on the Scramble for Africa than do my students from small agricultural town America.

Because World History necessarily focuses on a global scale, it only asks those questions that help to generate a Big Picture, not in the Braudelian sense, but in a sense that, more often than not, denies the beauty of studying difference and its causes in order to relate a oneness in human experience. Historians like Jerry Bentley have focused on cultural connections -- something that is hugely important. But the definition of separate cultures by World Historians seems most often to be one that is based more on race or geography than on any of the other factors that could and should define separate cultures. To an Ancient or Early Medieval Historian, for example, the different Germanic groups really are different. To a World Historian, they are often defined by their not having been Romans -- although again, for people who study them, there are crucial differences over time. Some of the Germans are really quite Roman! (and of course, Walter Goffart now tells us that we shouldn't even call them Germans ...) Those amazingly beautiful details that explain so much about the complexities of human civilization, at least in my fields, are just glossed over, and any semblance of truth is lost.

The same is true in the coverage of African and Asian peoples, as far as I can tell. It seems to me that we could understand much more about Africa today if we studied not simply the great African Empires and their interactions with European empires and Islam, but if we taught Africa as we teach Europe -- hugely diverse in terms of cultures and languages, social institutions and economies. Wouldn't that explain the situation in, say, Rwanda, better than a brief exposure to the Big Picture? Perhaps not. I'm not an Africanist. And I can't be. Because the truth is, no one can specialize and keep up with scholarship in everything. Trying to do so makes a mockery of the idea of specialization, and I say this as someone who teaches as a generalist but admits areas of weakness. If World History is to be a viable field, and not just a way for departments to pay lip service to relevance and the commercial value of education by hiring the untrained to teach the unknowing, why not make it a capstone course, something that really does build upon the disciplinary tradition of a couple of thousand years? Forests are beautiful from a distance, but it's our understanding and experiences of the trees and plants and animals that live there that make it possible for us to care about them.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Breaking with the past

Breaking with the past


So I'm spending the best weekend of the quarter packing. One of the things I thought about packing were the drafts of my diss, with all DV's red ink. And then I thought, the bloody thing is finished and done. It's presumably better than the earlier versions. It's bound and lives in several locations, including UMI. So I threw the drafts into the recycling. And it feels strange. Can anybody think of a reason I should keep it? I have all the important stuff, i.e., my notes. Funny, those pieces of a work in progress just seem so personal ... Could this be a step forward?

On a similar front, AXADH has a sort-of date tonight. I'm really happy for him, but it's very weird, since I live in the same house. Please send vibes for some kind of job decision, because I can't move till I know where ...

Saturday, May 28, 2005

The Hand Meme

The Hand Meme



ADM's summer hand look. Posted by Hello

No News is Good News?

No News is Good News?


Well, I haven't received any more rejections yet ... both jobs were supposed to have got back to us by last week, although I think Rural U underestimated the amount of time they would need for travel authorizations. Still, I haven't heard anything negative yet, and all communication so far has been via e-mail. And there is still the local job, the application for which I need to write this weekend. And this is the weekend where I start packing my things, despite the fact that I really need to work. I know -- I'll do both! And maybe write that post on World History as a stress-reliever? Bwaaaahhhhhaaaahhhaaaa!

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Advice Requested

Advice Requested


So I have a phone interview this week. For what looks like a job that seems most likely (despite a questionable library collection) to help me to become an actual lion cub. And I don't know if I give good phone. Any suggestions, besides the one about smiling the whole time?

Update:
Not necessarily my best interview. Got caught up in the "don't let there be too much dead air so answer without thinking things through" dilemma. That, and they asked a litmus test question that I don't know if I answered really well. it was the one on World History. It's a question I dread, because, while I entirely agree that we should all know more history of everywhere, I am not convinced that World History is a better way of learning than History of the World. For the non-History folk, that's a whole post that I think I'll write in a few days, after I know how this went. Part of why I say this is that the very best WH text out there -- Bentley-Ziegler, IMHO -- presents information on my own areas of expertise in a very superficial and indeed, a misleading (but not necessarily deliberately so) way. if that's the case for my stuff, is it also true for other areas? I will always wonder. Anyway, while I think I was convincing about having the background to teach WH (I do have experience and a field outside of Europe), I do not think I was convincing about my belief in the field. I am happy to say I was honest, though. We'll see. I should know about the next step by the end of the week.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Cranky Professor Sends a Meme

Cranky Professor Sends a Meme



I've been resisting memes lately, but when the Cranky One, who is one of my oldest friends, passes one on, I must perforce respond.

Total Number of Books I've Owned: Ever? I have no idea. I had books at my mother's, many of which have been snagged by my neice and nephew and books in boxes left at my dad's, which he may have given away by now ... When I moved back from Germany, soon-to-be-XADH guilted me into getting rid of about 10 boxes of books, "you'll never need" -- well, no, not if I weren't going to be an academic! Now I find I really need a lot of them, and am having to spend even more money to replace them. Grump. But let's say it's still under a thousand, mostly because I use libraries A Lot, and have never been one to buy books unless I know I'll use them again.

Last Book I Bought: Not counting books in transit from B&N (The Academic Self and Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell), Simon MacLean's Kingship and Politics in the Late Ninth Century, Alexander Murray's From Roman to Merovingian Gaul, and Paul Dutton's Carolingian Civilization and Charlemagne's Courtier. Yes, all on the same day at AHA.

Last Book I Read: fiction: re-read Darkover Landfall; non-fiction -- besides catching up on journals and re-reading my thesis? Ruiz and Winks, Medieval Europe and the World, which I will not be adopting.

Five Books that Mean a Lot to Me: Like Cranky Prof., I'm not sure -- what day of the week? Today, I say ...
  1. Jane Austen, Persuasion. It's my favourite of all her books, followed possibly by Mansfield Park
  2. Ronald Syme, The Roman Revolution, because it is just so good
  3. The Aeneid,especially book four
  4. Codex Diplomaticus Fuldensis and Annales Fuldensis. I could not do my work without them.
  5. To Kill A Mockingbird because it may be perfect, and it's always good.


I'm tagging New Kid and Sharon for this one! I'd tag more of you, but I have to let them have victims, too!


Ooh! Ooh! Just got an e-mail from Rural State U -- Phone interview next week!!!!

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Always a Bridesmaid

Always a Bridesmaid


So I think the interview was OK, but at this point, I don't really trust myself. Perfect Job said I interview well. The people I teach for now said I interview well ... but? Got lots of smiles and nods, and a couple of "That's what I/we do" comments. Forgot to ask about tenure and travel policies -- very rushed interview process, with a bunch of candidates all on the same day. Answered something like 10 questions and did a 10 minute teaching demo in an hour.

The trip was exciting. Got an automatic upgrade on the way out. Very cool. Same on the way back. Except that we got hit with a thunderstorm and waited on the tarmac for 2 1/2 hours in lightning after waiting an hour and a half in the terminal. Missed my connecting flight and had to eat the cost of a hotel room in Moountain Time. But the airline had me re-booked to get home this morning and I got exit row seats all the way. Yay!

Got home to find the rejection letter from AP job. Apparently, I was not one of the finalists. One of five campus interviewees, but not an actual finalist. So I've now made five short lists, 4 campus interviews and one phone interview where they were not bringing people in. Out of 20 applications, I think. Waiting to hear on Friday's. So thoroughly depressed that I'm going to take a bath and a nap. I should prep instead. Damn. I was so jazzed this weekend I actually got a lot of the book I've been putting off reviewing for an embarassing amount of time read. I was feeling all "ooh, look, I can do this academic thing. Apparently not. Off to wallow now. Shit.

Update: a door closes ... Just got a call from 'boss-if-I-adjunct-next-year'. It looks like a local college has an emergency one-year position that they will be advertising this week. I will be applying. So I'm still in the running for: TT job I interviewed for; 4-year job I just applied for; 2-year job I just applied for; two 1-year jobs that are local that I am going to apply for. Not wallowing so much, because a good cry (the first one since all of this nonsense started) and a bath make many things better.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

On Being a 'Real' Lion

On Being a 'Real' Lion


If you haven't been by New Kid's or Evie Ballerina's since they came back from the 'Zoo (lucky dogs!), you really must go! Both offer incredibly lucid essays on that elusive feeling of belonging that so many of us grasp at, but often as at straws. Or not.
It's the return of the imposter syndrome, writ larger than ever. When do we become 'real' academics (or lions, as Evie puts it)? Is there a point where we get to say we belong? How will we know when we get there? And, once we do, how long will it take before the gatekeepers realize they let us in and politely ask us to leave?

I know that, for me, being published and getting tenure have always been the milestones. Lately, though, I wonder how much of that is true and how much of that is self-limiting. I am, despite not having a 'real' job (please, please, please, let one of these interviews pan out), a very good teacher. I have independent confirmation of this, although I know I could be even better. When I work on committees and give workshops with my colleagues, the feedback is good, and people actually ask me for advice. I think my blog colleagues must think so, too, because I've inadvertantly found that blogging is also a great way of networking and collaborating and I have definitely begun to reap the benefits.

But get me to a conference, and I experience real panic (mixed with delight). I've been to a few in the past couple of years, and people recognize me. Some are grad students on the market -- many who are presenting, unlike yours truly. But others are established faculty and even Senior Colleagues. The big hunters. And they sometimes also know me. They ask what I'm working on. They engage in conversations based on questions I've asked, and don't act as though I'm an idiot. Many of them seem not to have a problem with the fact that I teach at a CC and have a load that is certainly not conducive to production of scholarship. And I feel almost real. Because I know that I can be like them, to some degree. And I feel guilty that I'm not. And the more I think about this, I think that we academics, whether lions or monkeys or dolphins or hyenas, feel this way more often than not. In some of us, it manifests itself as a certain cockiness and an air of brusque certainty -- often with an annoying lack of humility. But we come by it honestly. We have spent years putting ourselves out there to be judged. We live in advisor/student/peer review central. From our first college exams to conference papers, from thesis defenses to tenure review, we are -- must be -- judged by others. Even the Senior Colleagues are subject to peer review, although Seniority does seem to cut one some slack. And even they have to interview for the prime positions -- against serious competition that would make us junior types lose all composure. Some of them will still be found lacking.

So why the hell are we surprised that we feel this way? Yes, we may act differently, and I have a theory about that, too. Adding to our own temperaments a relatively hostile/competetive grad program (maybe even undergrad ones) and you get the brash, arrogant imposter. Put us in a program with more nurturing, and we know we don't deserve it. But you know what? Maybe we should sometimes listen to each other and our Senior Colleagues (who are just us, but have had longer to be better at it). When we go to conferences, we think (unless a paper is total shite), "hey, that person is really smart/good/knows a lot." We admire each other as scholars and trust each other's advice on sources, theories, and all those things we are supposed to know. But get us in a room with those same people whose judgement we most respect-- even with Senior Colleagues and our own Doktorvaeter (muetter)/Advisors -- and we ignore everything that might be a handing over of the keys to the Cool Kids' Lounge, because in this one case, we're just sure that they're wrong. It's a funny ol' world, innit?

PS: OK, this is pre-interview procrastination, not avoiding scholarship procrastination. And it's my bedtime (I get up at 5). No more blogging till I have been productive!

Monday, May 09, 2005

Am I Insane?

Am I Insane?


OK, so it appears that one of my referres did not get back to AP job till the very end of last week (my others got back within hours). I hope that he sent a reference, rather than another copy of my recommendation ... Still, this might explain why AP has not got back to me.

But now I have another interview scheduled. Leaving Thursday. School has a good rep, in a really cool (but too expensive) location, and a broader range of courses to teach. Am I insane in just really hoping that AP gets hold of me, and makes me an offer in time to cancel the interview trip? I think I'd really like the job at new school, but I just want to be done (and employed, natch!)!

And yes, I do realize that I've been incredibly fortunate on getting interviews and I should be grateful and stop whining. But it's the job I want, not the interview!

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day


What I always want for Mother's Day: To be left alone to do whatever I want, or to catch up on work, more likely. What I usually get:
The Kid: What are you doing for Mother's Day, because I got you the perfect present and want to come over and give it to you?
ADM:(realizing that the perfect present is not "I quit my second job and learned instead to stop spending extravagant amounts of money and can now go back to school" or "I decided to come clean your house/weed your garden/walk the dog so you could have some peace and quiet") Oh, you know I don't like you to buy things, but coming over is good. I have a bunch of stuff I have to get done, though, so when do you want to come over, so I can plan?
TK: I don't know, I thought Saturday and I'd spend the night.
ADM: OK, what time?
TK: I don't know, I might have to work.
ADM: SO can you check your schedule, or call in?
TK: [sighs heavily] I guess.
ADM: OK, call me when you have a plan.
TK: Fine

Saturday afternoon rolls around. TK's ex boyfriend calls,

TKX: Hi ADM, TK, asked if I wanted to come to your house tomorrow, and I wanted to make sure that would be all right.
ADM: Of course, you're always welcome. (TKX will also probably be renting a room from ADH when I move out -- nice guy)
TKX: The thing is, the starter on my van went out, and so I'll have to get a ride.
ADM: (penny having dropped -- TK has no car and no licence -- never has to be designated driver that way -- TK asked TKX to come because he will always drive, but can't this time) OK -- Work out with TK some kind of plan and I will come get you, I guess.

TK calls about 6 hours later

TK: I'm at BFFs house. TKX said you talked to him.
ADM: Yes, what's up?
TK: He can't drive us, but I want to come over.
ADM: OK, I can probably come get you, if you arrange to be in the same place (they live in different suburbs, but BFF is in same one as TKX) at the same time.
TK: Ok, but I left your gift at my house.
ADM: SO why were you coming over again?
TK: I wanted to hang out with you for Mother's Day. I don't want to come if we're just going to watch TV or while you work.
ADM: I understand that, but I have a lot to do. You know I have to get ready for another interview.
TK: [sigh] I don't suppose you could drive us home after? Or I can spend the night and ride in with you in the morning, but TKX has to get home.
ADM: Sorry, I can't. All that driving will take close to 3 1/2 hours. YOu can ask your dad ...
TK: No
ADM: so, are you coming over?
TK: you're making this really difficult. Yeah.
ADM: when do I need to pick you up?
TK: I don't know.
ADM: call me by ten tomorrow a.m. and let me know, so I can plan.
TK:Ok
ADM: really, by 10.
TK: Fine. ich liebe dich -tschuess!

So like her father. At least, having worked in restaurants with me, she knows how I feel about people who take their mothers out for mothers day ON mothers' day. Homie don' play that.

So happy Mother's Day to all you academic moms! Clearly they weren't thinking about the piles of grading at this time of year ;-)

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Like a Gopher

Like a Gopher ...


... I'm popping my head out for an update. House mostly settled! Legal things in motion! References being checked by Almost Perfect job! Got a call for an interview next week for a different CC job in one of the coolest (I think) metro areas in the country (REM might disagree ...)! Now to find a plane ticket! Not happy about the timing, because AP might offer, and I would have to take it, but that's cool -- it's the flight insurance for the interview I have to worry about.

Still working on ... Student stuff, committee stuff, more job apps, and Summer teaching. Plus training for the listserv ... Going back into hiding now!

For all of you at the Zoo -- I am jealous!!! Hope you're having a great time, and if you hear anything pre-1100 that's good, I hope y'all will bring me notes!

Update: Turns out one of my references was not sent till yesterday (I hope a simple response to the e-mail!). This could explain why I've not heard anything about AP job. Keeping my fingers crossed that I'll hear something positive before I actually have to go fly out for another interview...

Monday, May 02, 2005

Blogxile

Self-Imposed Blogxile


Ok -- recovering from 'flu (horrible cough and congestion, plus exhaustion), pile of marking, dealing with readying a house to sell/seing if ADH can afford to keep it, wondering where I'm going to live, and how to get a short-term lease till I find out where I'm working next year, applying for jobs, division meeting today, catching up on class prep, catching up on two other committees, learning to do some technical stuff for the listserv, and dodging massive guilt bombs in between. Not to mention dealing with lawyers and courthouses, etc. So if you see me IRL or otherwise, don't mind if I don't feel like talking. Just a bit massively overwhelmed and, while blogging is fun, it's also adding to the procrastination levels, which really eventually causes more stress. So I am going into hiding. No worries, just trying to prioritize and make sure the students don't suffer. I'm sure I'll not stop commenting at other places, though I shall try not to! ;-)

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Sharon closes out

Sharon closes out with a winner



I really love the poems I posted, as well as the ones that Ancarett and Sharon offered in response But I humbly bow to Sharon in the end, because she's given me
another to hold in my all-too-limited poetry treasury. Damn, but it's good. To fair Sharon go the laurels.